what is it?

i dont know what is it i'm searching for..but i know i am losing my soul..i cant get myself to call or sms him..it's too hurtful cause i am the reason of this mess, i'm sorry baby..i dont know whether u're reading this..but i just want you to know..i miss u..A LOT..i dunno how you're doing..thus i'm too coward to ask..i'm afraid i'll be upset cause you wont refer me as what u used to call me..but, yes it's part of the t & c..sick me.. i miss you..that's all..gotta go.. i really u're doing okay..i dont see u're updating urself on the FB anymore..wonder if it's my fault..i'm sooorrryyy =( i love u..i still am..i just need time..